About A Crush
by TiffanyNichelle
Summary: Pete does some thinking. Yeah, I'm stuck on the unrequited love theme.


Title: About A Crush   
Author: Tiffany/TiffanyNichelle   
E-mail: tiffany@breatheagain.net   
Disclaimer: Me? Own these characters?? Nope, sorry.   
Spoilers: None.   
Summary: Pete does some thinking. 

She's always watching him. Gazing at him longingly when no one else is watching. No one else but me that is. She knows that I know she has a crush on him even if she does pretend otherwise. The jokes, the bets, the kidding around about him. It's her way of dealing, of protecting her heart. The fewer people who know about her crush, the less it hurts to see him moon over Lana Lang. She wouldn't want everyone to know about her crush and to have them pity her because he doesn't know about it. Or worse he doesn't feel the same way. 

I understand why she feels that way. I've never told anyone how I felt about her. It's easier that way. No one to make pointed jokes about it. No one to drop hints in front of her that she wouldn't get because she's too busy thinking about Clark. She probably thinks I don't get it. That I don't get how it feels to want someone who doesn't want you. Who doesn't even realize that you're alive in that way. Who wants someone else and all you can do is stand aside and wish and wonder. 

I'm disgusted with myself. Watching her watching him watching Lana. How pathetic do the three of us look? Each pining after the one person we can't have. I wonder how many people in study hall watch us do this and laugh. Laugh and point and talk about the three losers. 

Maybe losers is too strong a word for us but what else could you use to describe us? Three friends, going around with their own secret agendas and feelings. No one person really knowing what the other two are thinking. 

If she knew what I thought about her she'd laugh. Not on purpose, not to be mean, but just in that nervous kind of "I'm not sure what to do with this information" laughter. She'd go into the whole "I think we should just be friends, Pete, we're better that way. I'd rather have your friendship then to try to take it a step farther and have the whole thing blow up in our faces. I'm sure you understand." spiel. 

I live in fear of that just as I know she lives in fear of Clark saying the same to her one-day. That's why we both hide our crushes. Why we don't say anything and pretend to be content to fantasize and wait for our hearts to settle on someone else, anyone else. Anyone willing to return those feelings that we wouldn't have to hide anymore. 

Sometimes I think she knows. She'll stop and look at me strangely. As if she's just seeing me for the first time and is trying figure out exactly who I am. Sometimes I think I see something in her eyes that gives me hope. Like she feels the same but she's been stuck in Clark cycle for so long she doesn't know how to get out of it. 

It's been years for her. Almost since the first day she moved to Smallville and met him. I think it's become a comfortable habit for her. Have a regular coffee for breakfast and think about Clark. Work at the school newspaper and think about Clark. Brush your teeth before bed and think about Clark. I feel bad for her and then I feel bad for myself. I feel so stupid for letting something like this happen though how was I supposed to stop it? 

It just snuck up on me. I didn't even know it was happening until a year ago and all I could think was "Chloe, Chloe, Chloe." You'd think I would have had more sense. To realize that she was too far gone on Clark to even think about anyone else. But none of that matter to me. I actually thought if I just waited a little while she'd get over it. If I'd played the good best friend who was there to give a joke and a smile when she needed her spirits lifted or to offer a shoulder when all she wanted was to be comforted that she'd turned to me. 

It only just occurred to me that she was playing the same game with Clark and it'd been going on far longer and it hadn't worked. 

Sometimes I resent him. He doesn't get it. He doesn't see it. He does nothing to encourage her and she falls all over the place for him. Meanwhile I'm in the background waiting, willing, and she doesn't see. But then I remember I can't hate him. He's tied up in his own thing with Lana. He's just as messed up as we are. 

So it goes on. She watches him. I watch her. And no one is satisfied. She thinks I don't get her. I get her more than she knows.   



End file.
